Catp00p
Design Ninja!
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- Dec 22, 2002
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CDC Warning: Infectious Disease Alert
This report was released by the Center for Disease Control this morning:
It has come to the attention of the CDC that the virus Homosuxorus scrotchus, also known as "The Gh3y", is now spreading out of control throughout the coastal United States. Severe numbers of cases have been reported in Tampa, Philadelphia, New York and San Francisco. Even though this virus is not fatal, it can be quite difficult to cure.
The virus affects the part of teh brain that tells a person if they are male or female. Most males that are affected by "the gh3y" suddenly think that they are female, and start acting as such.
Symptoms of "the gh3y" include:
If you suffer any of the above symptoms, the CDC suggests you immediately take the medication discussed in the next section.
Treatment of "The Gh3y"
Currently there is only one type of medication to treat this virus. It is a small capsule, about 9mm in diameter, produced by Glock Pharmaceuticals. This capsule is inserted into the ear, and usually erradicated the severe symptoms immediately.
There are also several support groups to help people cope with having the virus, since the medication produces mild side affects such as death. Some of these groups include "It's Adam & Eve, Not Adam & Steve Support Group", "The Redneck's *** Lynching Club", "The Society for the Total Eradication of those Sick, Twisted, Demented, Evil Homo's", and "The Fagatrons Electronic Help Line" at 1-800-I-EAT-COCK.
Preventive Measures
So far this virus seems to only have adverse affects on males. It has been recently discovered that this virus can be healthy for females, giving them better social lives.
This report was released by the Center for Disease Control this morning:
It has come to the attention of the CDC that the virus Homosuxorus scrotchus, also known as "The Gh3y", is now spreading out of control throughout the coastal United States. Severe numbers of cases have been reported in Tampa, Philadelphia, New York and San Francisco. Even though this virus is not fatal, it can be quite difficult to cure.
The virus affects the part of teh brain that tells a person if they are male or female. Most males that are affected by "the gh3y" suddenly think that they are female, and start acting as such.
Symptoms of "the gh3y" include:
- Sudden change in diet (i.e. person stops eating fish and will only eat pork)
- Muscles in forearms become very weak, leading to a condition known as limp-wristedness
- Numbing of the lips that can lead to a lisp while speaking
- This virus can cause an unexplainable shift in social status (Other men will no longer talk to the infected person, but women, probably due to a lack of intelligence, will find the infected person much more interesting and more attractive)
- Possibly leads to reading forums at XBL or OTL
- ALL TEXT APPEARS TO BE IN CAPITAL LETTERS
- Hair is short and perfectly combed at all times
- Sudden attentivness to clothing and interior decorating
- Upon waking, the infected person finds a man in his arms
- The blood that pumps through the infected persons evil, dark heart is as black as the night
- Your name is D_A
- You watch Buffy or Angel and refuse to accept phone calls while these shows are airing
- Your name contains the letters A, D, and M and your last name is a mineral, such as gold, rock, copper or STONE
If you suffer any of the above symptoms, the CDC suggests you immediately take the medication discussed in the next section.
Treatment of "The Gh3y"
Currently there is only one type of medication to treat this virus. It is a small capsule, about 9mm in diameter, produced by Glock Pharmaceuticals. This capsule is inserted into the ear, and usually erradicated the severe symptoms immediately.
There are also several support groups to help people cope with having the virus, since the medication produces mild side affects such as death. Some of these groups include "It's Adam & Eve, Not Adam & Steve Support Group", "The Redneck's *** Lynching Club", "The Society for the Total Eradication of those Sick, Twisted, Demented, Evil Homo's", and "The Fagatrons Electronic Help Line" at 1-800-I-EAT-COCK.
Preventive Measures
- Do not shop at the mall. Only infected people shop at the mall. Uninfected people are happy with fashions from stores such as Walmart and Target
- Avoid XBL and OTL forums. These places are breeding grounds for the virus. Our initial tests reveals that 99.5% of the people at these forums test positive for "The Gh3y". Also, testing shows that NGG is a safe place from the virus. Only two cases (Sonic & Akuma) have been reported so far.
- Do not kiss men on the lips.
- While surfing the internet for porn, make sure the pictures contain atleast one woman.
- Do not kiss men anywhere.
- Avoid Akuma.
So far this virus seems to only have adverse affects on males. It has been recently discovered that this virus can be healthy for females, giving them better social lives.
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